Sunday, August 19, 2007
the light blue words exactly expressed what i want to say to God.Through the Years
Kenny Rogers I can't remember when you weren't thereWhen I didn't care for anyone but youI swear we've been through everything there isCan't imagine anything we've missedCan't imagine anything the two of us can't doThrough the years, you've never let me downYou turned my life aroundThe sweetest days I've found I've found with youThrough the years, I've never been afraidI've loved the life we've madeAnd I'm so glad I've stayed right here with youThrough the yearsI can't remember what I used to doWho I trusted, who I listened to beforeI swear you taught me everything I knowCan't imagine needing someone soBut through the years it seems to meI need you more and moreThrough the years, through all the good and badI knew how much we hadI've always been so glad to be with youThrough the years, it's better every dayYou've kissed my tears awayAs long as it's okay, I'll stay with youThrough the yearsThrough the years, when everything went wrongTogether we were strong, I know that I belong right here with youThrough the yearsI never had a doubt, we'd always work things outI've learned what love's about by loving youThrough the yearsThrough the years, you've never let me downYou've turned my life aroundThe sweetest days I've found I've found with youThrough the years, it's better every dayYou've kissed my tears awayAs long as it's okay, I'll stay with youThrough the years! as i reflect thru the years, as i look thru my email box, as i look thru old files.. as i read my spiritual journal. i see a change of myself from the past til now. i learnt to know that the world is not all about CELIA'S LAW OF CONDUCT and CELIA'S WAY, THE ONLY WAY.i learnt that, in order to be highly worthed by God, i first have to be low in the eyes of Man.i learnt that vulgarities don not help in anything, except spoiling other's ears.i learnt that violence is not the answer.i learnt that what i may know is right, is not right. and what i did not know existed, was the only true one.i learnt the true meaning of obeying, in God's eyes. after 3 years.i learnt the true meaning of submitting and giving my heart to God, after 3 years.i learnt not to pursue worldly love, but to run after the love that God had prepared for me, after 3 years.i learnt that bad things are allowed to happen to me, not cos God don love me. but it is precisely becos He loved me alot, that's why He chose to let me fall down. i would always ask WHY.and He would say one day, you'll get it.and i would say. i don wan one day. i wan today.and He will jus keep quiet.til that day that He chose to reveal the reason to meand made me hopelessly guilty.for my atrocious attitude to Him.over the 3 years. i've learnt to change my attitude towards Man. how do i treat them, how do i talk to them.but i never thought that my attitude towards God was equally bad.i strived to please Man.i strived to get approval of people around me.i pushed myself against my own limits,not to do God's business,but to prove my own worth.to let others stand in awe of me.i did all the right things, in the eyes of Man.all were right.all seems so correct.but yet they were done with the wrong purpose.i had a purpose in life.but it was a wrong purpose.it was to please Man.this, i had failed God hopelessly.refusing to heed His words, i went out to the world and had myself thrashed aroundfeeling worthless and lowly, it almost seemed that i had crawled back to ask for Daddy's forgiveness.not once, not twice.but thrice.each and every time, He wipes my tears away and said to me"hush, Daddy is here with you.I will never leave you, as long as u never leave Me."becos of this promise of His, to never let me go.i had the confidence to ask of Him.i asked for strength, when i needed it.i asked for wisdom , when i had exams.i asked for courage, when i was afraid.i asked for everything, and He gave me all that i needed.but it is also becos of this promise of His.it made me take it for granted.i took His love for me for granted.like a trash, i trampled it under my feet.tossing it carelessly around,never looking back to see the tears in Himi swing it around,i twirl it around my finger.forgetting all bout it when sth else more fun comes by.like a father who hits the daughter on the hand when he sees her playing fire,Daddy smack my hand too.but yet i chose to ignore.i chose to say that i know what am i doing.running with the pace of the world.things beginning to look blur by the sidesand i began to feel afraid.finally letting in the emengency flashlight in my head thati am out of control of my life.crying for Daddy's help,i almost thought He wud give up on me.i thought i was degraded and worthless in His eyes.but yet,like a father who rescue his daughter from a fire that she created,Daddy scooped me up in His great arms and said"hush, Daddy is with you.I will never leave you, as long as you never leave Me"not a single star deducted from the ratings,not a sign of disdainment in the eyes of Him.i knew, i was still precious in His eyes.and now.after all the trialsafter all the dramasafter all the heartbreaksafter all the troubles.im back with Daddy.this time with a will of determination.an undescribable peace in me.a heart convicted of His love for me.a pair of hands and feets ready for His use.im confident to say that i've changed.all becos Daddy moulded me over the years.the heartbreaks that He let me go through.though i teared much, im sure Daddy hurted as much as i did,as He sees me thru it.even as Daddy is celebrating my 3rd birthday this year.i want it to be a memorable one.i want it to be Daddy's day, as much as it is mine.
12:35 AM { and i opened my heart(:
