Thursday, June 21, 2007
aweesome is the LORD, and MEMBERS' TRACK(of ER)!!.honestly speaking, sorry for the super lousy face i had for day one.for those who asked, thanks and sorry.i jus DON WANT to smile, DON WANT to talk. i just WANT the day to pass faster and i WANT to shut myself.[note. it's me WANTING everything. =/]couple of unhappiness at night, remembrance of past unhappinessadded up to a lousy mood celia(:even nana asked me what happened. that shows how bad i was. erts. anyways. cut the story short.the next day we had pNw combined.upset bout something, discouraged by many things, unhappy bout everythingi was super grumpy. i DON WANT to praise God, i DON WANT to sing to Him.i clapped half heartedly.and suddenly, in the middle of a praise song, tears jus began to roll down and i heard God clearly. how is ur unhappiness greater than me? give me just one reason to justify urself.so i started to clap like those "wow, im so into the song" kind.but one thing i forgot. God looks at my heart. not my exterior actions.opps. so He spoke to me again. drop this false front. i ignored til the band went into a worship song.okay la. mayb i was that a little guilty. but i was so self absorbed that i don want to care about anyone but it is jus "oh how irritated i am".come Holy Spirit, fall in this placeI will fall in this place, fall unto u, if only u fall unto ur knees in true reverence of me now.don wan la God. ma lu leh. bu yaoo.[come to think of it. i think fish market ar. stil can bargain with God one.]cut story short? i kneel down in the end.and i cud feel God holding on to my wrist, as i lift them up. i feel that comfy warmth there, although the rest of my body was freezing. i know it's God(:i cried, i teared. out of "sorry-ness" towards God.how dare i put my mood swings above Him. shut up celia. =/fast forward til last high praise and the ttmns.really very encouraged by all the ttmn by ppl, namely siewling,rowena,munkidd.at least it made me realise that the little efforts that i made for them, had impact on them and it helped.halfway thru ro's ttmn, i cried. cos i was so happy for her, for her breakthru. i seen her grow, i seen her mature. i really hope that she will cont to grow. our God is a prayer answering God. haha!(:of cos i wun say that gg for this camp, automatically make my problem disappear and resolve on their own. BUT! what i am sure of is that i had alr lifted them up into my Daddy's hand. He will pack them up and throw them out of my mind. i am no longer burdened by them. NO LONGER!(:
10:57 PM { and i opened my heart(:
